Lesson(s) on Answered Prayers
I haven’t updated this in forever — well, I haven’t sat down to write (publicly at least) in a long time. Even this will be a quick jot to deposit some thoughts so my processor can perform optimally over the next few crucial days inshaAllah.
As I grow older, I realise answered prayers don’t look like how I thought they would look, and they feel much ‘less’ than how I thought they would feel (i.e. super good!). I’m a funny, silly creature; I thought asking for strength in faith, patience, gratitude and a spot in Jannah were all good things to ask for. (They are.)
I guess I never realised that the greater and better the thing you ask for, the higher the price too.
I did get strength in faith (or at least I have a bit now compared to before), but God only gave it to me after making me feel completely lost, and downright needy of Him. If I never thanked Him before for even having faith, I had to after I felt like I lost it and got it back.
I did get gratitude (or at least I have a bit now compared to before), but God only gave it to me after taking away like… 50 people I loved dearly, and made me see the genuine 5–10 that loved me dearly.
And these are all lessons over 5–10 year periods so I know I have more to lose and more to gain and so, so much more to learn. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.
The current lesson has been a loooong and beautiful (but slightly painful) (but also sweet) one on rizq, specifically of the financial sort.
I’ve never really grown up in luxury. I mean, alhamdulillah we never were in poverty or had to go without food (I did have some days in uni when I ran out of money to eat and just fasted for the day but those were more from choosing to spend money on books or movies instead of saving it for like…. meals, and then was too afraid and embarrassed to ask my parents for money haha) but since graduating from uni, I haven’t really been in good financial standing, what with the dreaded and humongous study loan over my head (and then 2 weddings, a divorce and a house).
But especially in the last few years, I started praying dhuha regularly (most times it wasn’t even about money but I just wanted to implement the sunnah and I loved the dhuha du’a and knew that rizq was more than just money but also health and family and good friends etc) and more recently specifically asked for barakah in my wealth and help in settling my debts.
It sounds silly to admit it loudly now but I really wanted to suddenly get a windfall, a super-unexpected year-end bonus, or just…. discover someone had been saving me money for some time or something haha! I really, genuinely, irrationally, deep-inside-of-me wished that that was how my prayer was going to be answered.
It is only in recent time that I realised that God had been helping me all along (I know, I know, soooo cliche!). The truth was, despite holding a full-time job, or even for the periods when I didn’t, I always had offers for freelance work, or made some money on the side from Ameemoo.
Don’t get me wrong, there were days and weeks when I would check my bank account 8–10 times a day, always seeing only a 2 -digits balance staring back at me. It was awful. I’d always internally scream “How are you in this position?? You are a degree holder!!”
And yet, as I look back now, I’d get the randomest offers — could you write this article, edit this one, take photos for my henna night, etc etc etc? Sometimes, I would accept the job and worry about how I would do it later. I was so desperate. But it also meant I read lots of books on copywriting, watched videos on photography and videography, learnt how to market my own items on Ameemoo, and ended up doing all sorts of things, and working with all sorts of characters!
But it meant that I wasn’t going to get that windfall or super-unexpected year-end bonus. I just had to work really, really hard, and earn my keep. (Even saying “earn” my keep sounds weird because it’s all Him really. SubhanAllah.)
One of my favouritest quotes is the following, but I had always always thought about it in terms of working for the akhirah and finally enjoying Jannah and the Prophet’s company (inshaAllah!)
“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.” — Leonardo da Vinci
But it is really another level of sweet when you fall asleep completely exhausted but knowing you had given your all that day. Or when you finally see the salary or the payment in your bank account after expending lots of effort and time on that project. I’m so grateful for everyone God chose to send my way, people who trusted that I could offer them something and that they would pay me for it, for the many opportunities I got that I never could have imagined or conjured myself.
Alhamdulillah for the gift and privilege of money — something so dunya but that allows for so much good for the akhirah too.
In whatever circumstance Allah places us in, may He also couple it with contentment in our hearts. Now that’s a windfall I pray for!
