#RamadanRuminations Day 15: Not All Magic

Ramadan is not all sweetness and magic
Not just high-level prayers most epic
It is also rage and bad character
Hunger activates my anger

It is fighting my grief when it arrives out of the blue
It is crying not for my sins, but rumours untrue
Though I imagine my Ramadan is just for my Lord
In truth, I’m still tending to old wounds uncured

It is wrestling with my nafs over sleep and food portions
And negotiating the number of pages of Quran recitations
It’s feeling mighty pleased over 20 tarawih prayers
Yet withholding my wallet when someone needy appears

It’s trying and failing to guard my tongue
So I don’t add to my spiritual junk
It’s jealousy, self-righteousness, just slightly muted
Yep, my nafs stayed behind when Ramadan started

What a humbling mirror Ramadan is
Without filters, unveiling my inner beast
So much cleaning and training yet to do
As long as I acknowledge this beast is me too

What a blessing to be without shaytaan even if for just 30 days. For those truly interested in knowing their true colours, when else but Ramadan to reflect and see how ugly we can be? But are we willing to look in the mirror? And contend with what we see? Or are we content with the outer worship and not what lies within?