The Chronic Optimist Loses Her Sparkle

The past month or so has been the hardest in a while. Some days I feel like I’m finally out of the grime but soon enough, it’s dark again.

The truth is, I feel defeated. I am that big, fat hoper. The chronic optimist. The one who can find something funny in any tragedy. But I am empty now. I’ve got nothing.

I am tired. It has been relentless.

So this is me collecting small acts of love to fill me up in the meantime.

One: My bff not believing me when I said I’ll feel better soon.

Thank you Fana for not believing my “I’ll be fine, don’t worry”, and for caring for my mind.

Two: Getting ready in the morning together, Jason Mraz on my morning playlist, specifically this song:

She then matter-of-fact-ly says “I am better with you.” Just. Like its a fact. Rock solid. We see each other in person once a year. And yet, she had that surety and conviction about me. It’s truly that simple. I deserve this.

Thank you Angelique for making me better too. And for reminding me how simple & easy it should be.

Three: Baba Khan’s go-to when I’m down: “Should I send more photos of the kids?”

Haha and my reply “Yes please. Always.” He proceeded to send me photos and videos of the Little Khans and telling me the book I got them is Irfan’s favourite at the moment and how he reads it every morning.

Thank you Little Khans for merely existing & loving me with your little hearts. And Mummy Khan and Baba Khan for making them.

Four: Today, I got an email reply from an organisation I had enquired something about. Look at this beauty. It made me cry. A complete stranger made this do’a for me.

I’m not okay. But I will be.

In time. InshaAllah.