Women and Selfishness

I was clearing my emails this morning and read an article that linked to this article on Women and Selfishness. I found myself nodding my head as I read paragraph after paragraph.

Many times in the past few years, I have thought the same but couldn’t articulate it in a way that didn’t make me feel icky with myself.

It’s not just that being accused of a ‘feminist’ makes women keep silent about their opinions about women’s rights, but as Muslims I feel like there’s an added layer of self-censorship because our religious tradition and spirituality encourages altruism. We learn and strive to give of our energy, money, ourselves for others so that Allah is pleased with us. We, on some level, equate loss and sacrifice to increased piety.

And I do believe 100% that whatever Allah takes away or that we give for Him, He will replace with something better, if not in this world then in the next.

BUT that’s where this part resonates so much with me:

“A genuinely caring and unselfish person can more easily be manipulated and controlled by a needy lover, parent, or child with the simple admonishment, “Not meeting my needs means you are being selfish.” (Ironically, a truly selfish person doesn’t care enough to be responsive to that kind of threat.) Thus the average woman, perhaps more than the average man, may need a reminder that when making complicated calculations involving the needs of others, she should give sufficient weight to what she needs and wants for herself. Taking your own needs and wants into consideration is not the same as selfishness.”

For sure Allah will deal reward His Servants as He deems fit, and I ask that He deals with us mercifully and kindly (ameen!) but there’s also the very human-to-human, dunya transactions where people do actually get manipulated, taken advantage of, or just simply sacrifice something they didn’t really need to because someone else used religion to make them feel bad about wanting it.

Anyway, click the link below to read the article! A must-read for all women. I also would love to hear any thoughts/opinions/reactions you have about it so please reach out by commenting or emailing me!

“A man will more easily shrug off an accusation of selfishness. After all, part of society’s definition of manliness involves a striving toward self-enhancement, ambition, competition, and aggression.

For women, an accusation of selfishness hits harder, since an ethos of caring is seen as a bedrock of the concept of femininity. The desire not to be seen as — and not to feel — selfish seems to motivate and shape the lives of women more than the lives of men.”

“Thus the average woman, perhaps more than the average man, may need a reminder that when making complicated calculations involving the needs of others, she should give sufficient weight to what she needs and wants for herself. Taking your own needs and wants into consideration is not the same as selfishness.”

Read article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201110/women-and-selfishness